• Lety

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Not today

Don’t ask me “how are you?”. Don’t make me smile a fake smile and say “I’m fine”. Because I’m not, really.

When you believe in something, you fight. Fight with all your heart, your words, and if words are not enough, use your nails and your teeth. You have to be strong to get through a storm, and weak people stay down. You wanna know why? Because they don’t fight hard enough. You don’t just come to say “I’m afraid”, you face things head on and you deal with them.

You make decisions, you take actions, you deal with the consequences. Because every action has a reaction and you better believe Newton when he says “It’s equal in strength and opposite in direction”. You better not do something that’s gonna bring you down when it bounces back.

There’s a say that “good things come to those who wait”. I believe waiting is when you have something to hope for. When you tell yourself there’s a chance that your wait will not be in vain. That’ll be worth it. Waiting for a bus, or waiting for food to be served, or waiting for rain to come on a hot day. So I guess I don’t much believe in waiting.

I believe in taking chances, taking the wrong turn just to see where it’ll get you, I believe in risk and emotion and “hey, let’s get the hell out of here and go to the middle of freaking nowhere!”. I believe in love and the kind of compromise that comes from the heart.

I wish I could believe in second chances. To think that things are not going to take the same wrong turn twice. Or at least that they’ll take a different wrong turn. At least then you have something else to fight for and another challenge ahead. I used to think that everything can be overcome with love and a smile and make-up sex, and that everything looks brighter in the light of day. Cats are always blacker at night.

Take a breath. Think. Prioritize. These are the only important things you need to do in your life. Beside eating chips and crying your eyes out to some corny movie. Breathe slowly, smell the flowers, take a chance, risk it all for nothing, and then smile. Think about the good things and the bad things, and balance them out and then do it again until they add up to more than zero. Prioritize, make concessions, and then make some more, until you get what you want. Fight, fight for what you want, or you don’t want it bad enough. And you’re weak. Don’t care. What matters what others say, nothing matters more than what’s in your heart, not even what’s on your mind.

Today, I’m gonna let it all go. I won’t believe, I won’t feel, I’ll go against the current as hard as I can, just to keep me occupied. I don’t make sacrifices, and I don’t care, and I don’t want to think. NOT TODAY!

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